Can I Complain About Co-worker’s Offensive Behavior?

Q: If an employee feels they’re getting unwelcome sexual attention from someone at work, are they required to ask that person to stop the behavior prior to talking to management?

A: No. Asking the person engaging in the offending behavior (let’s call them the “offender”) to stop is absolutely NOT a requirement before approaching management about the situation. The reason is that the offender might be an intimidating or scary figure — such as a boss or other superior, or even just a creepy co-worker– and it would be unrealistic to expect an employee to having to take such a difficult step. I’d say for some employees, it’s difficult enough to say something to management, much less the offender.

Having said that, don’t be surprised if one of the first questions management or HR asks is whether the offender was asked to stop the behavior. But, this is just establishing the details (date, time and circumstance) as part of routine fact-gathering and should not be construed as an implicit “expectation to confront”.

In my experience, about half of the employees who came to HR with a concern, had already tried talking to the offender – who was often clueless and had not taken the “stop doing that” request seriously.

Whether they had already been asked to stop or not, when confronted by management (me) about their behavior, every single one of my offenders where at first shocked (shocked!) that their behavior could possibly be seen as offensive. Then they were subsequently either embarrassed or much more careful/guarded or both. Luckily, I never had to deal with an argumentative or confrontational offender, but of course they’re out there.

SOAPBOX MOMENT: This question illustrates why it’s so important to have a clearly defined (and communicated) harassment complaint procedure. Having a procedure protects both the employees and the company.

For employees, they’ll know exactly what to do (or where to check in their handbook) if someone is giving them unwanted attention, and where to go to report it.
For companies, in the event an employee sues the company without first making a complaint, it provides a legal line of defense because the company was deprived of the opportunity to correct the problem.

Next week, I’ll debunk 3 sexual harassment myths.