Q: With the recent case before the Supreme Court, gay marriage has become a topic of conversation at work. And because everyone has different views on the topic, the discussions have been heated –sometimes even contentious– to the point that I’d welcome some ideas on how to diffuse those situations. Otherwise, I’m afraid some people’s feelings will be seriously hurt.
A: Kudos to you for not wanting these discussions to get out of hand. I’ve seen these type of disagreements allowed to run their course and end up as long-term resentments and damaged work relationships.
Most of us know that at work (just like during Thanksgiving dinner with relatives) we should avoid talking about certain topics, especially the big three: politics, sex and religion.
The topic of gay marriage is especially sensitive because it manages to pack all of these three together into a powerful punch, making it about as radioactive a topic as abortion. It’s no wonder your discussions have been heated.
In your situation, it sounds like not everyone got the “avoid talking about politics-sex-and-religion” memo, so here are some suggestions to dial things down.
- Try to avoid the topic altogether. But if someone else brings it up, redirect the conversation. Try “I’d rather not get into that, I’d rather talk about blank (a scheduled vacation, Jimmy’s school play, your dog)”. If you hear others arguing about gay marriage, interrupt and again redirect the conversation. Try, “C’mon people, let’s not get into that, let’s talk about blank.”
- If that fails, try getting preachy. Some people operate from the flawed premise that they have to defend their views or try to convince others. You can redirect them by saying something like: “It’s not our job to defend why we think what we think. It’s not our job to change someone’s mind into our way of thinking. Our job is to do what we’re hired to do. So, let’s just agree to disagree.”
Remember, we all have our trigger topics. Otherwise reasonable people (myself included) can become very emotional about certain topics –which is fine. However the workplace is just not the right setting to have those conversations. So, no politics, sex or religion please.
© Copyright Eva Del Rio
