Q: I have a co worker with whom I disagree politically. We work well together, like and respect each other and have managed to stay out of the political minefield conversations. Until now. We both value our working relationship and are very careful but we got into a discussion where we were arguing about facts. He was bringing up what I recognized where “talking points” from his side which I knew weren’t true. So how do you have a conversation when you can’t agree on the facts?

A: This is a tough question, and one that’s hit home for me and many people I know . Sometimes the conflict comes up between co-workers (as in your case) or between family members. We are all tired of hearing that “we are a divided country”, but I’m afraid we are. So, I don’t have an answer (if I did I’d be running for office or writing a book) but I can share with you what I try to do, and the posture I try to adopt to preserve goodwill, and an open mind toward those with whom I disagree.

Try to agree on one fact or a common goal.

When I teach about conflict resolution, I say that one of the root causes of conflict is “Differences over Facts”. My training materials explain:

“A fact is a piece of data that can be quantified or an event that can be documented. Arguments over facts typically need not last very long since they are verifiable.”  

Sadly, this is no longer the case. Conflicts over facts used to be short-lived because we’d eventually get to the truth. Now, the facts are questioned.

But, you can still find a fact (however small) you can agree on. There are some good sources out there and organizations such as https://commongroundsolutions.org/ to help.

Vent with like-minded people but don’t isolate yourself there.

Sure it feels good express your daily outrage with people you agree with, but make it a point to listen to other views. I’m not talking about watching skewed TV cable news or radio.. I’m talking about listening or reading thoughtful people on both sides.

I’m usually an optimist. But have to admit these are difficult times. All we can do is be our best-selves and trust that others will also. Trust that relationships with those you respect but disagree with, will last longer than this. This will pass.

©Copyright Eva Del Rio

Eva Del Rio is creator of HR Box™ – tools for small businesses and startups. Send questions to Eva@evadelrio.com