Harassment Myth I: Can a Compliment Lead to a Harassment Claim?

Q: Whenever sexual harassment makes the headlines the way it has in recent weeks, I hear the usual grumbling comments from some co-workers: “You can’t compliment a woman at work anymore”. “Some people are thin-skinned and can’t take a joke,” etc. Is it really that precarious or are they exaggerating? What’s the best way to stay out of trouble?

A: There are many myths about sexual harassment. People get weird ideas about the topic because there is such a mix of information in the news and entertainment media (who can tell them apart?).

Stories about sex crimes, scandals and improprieties, all get lumped under “sexual”. Employees may also hear rumors at work that someone got in trouble for doing something harmless -which is often only part of the story. So there’s a lot of incomplete, sensational and exaggerated info floating around. No wonder people are confused.

But in reality, what constitutes sexual harassment in the workplace has been pretty well defined by the courts. Let’s explore:

Myth 1 – Giving someone a compliment on their appearance could be viewed as harassment.

Not by a long shot. After all, we compliment our family members when they look spiffy. I, for one, compliment colleagues of both sexes. But let’s assume your compliment (for whatever reason) makes the recipient feel uncomfortable and they let you know it. If that‘s the case, don’t do it again. Period.

Now, let’s say you ignore them and continue to pay a second or even a third compliment. Now you’re engaging in repeated and unwelcomed –maybe even creepy- behavior which could constitute harassment. See the difference? In my experience, those who get into trouble either aren’t paying attention or are tone deaf about the effect of their actions on others. Supervisors need to be specially mindful of complimenting subordinates since they’re less likely to voice their disapproval, even if they feel it.

In general, the best rule of thumb I can recommend is: Don’t say anything to a co-worker or subordinate that you wouldn’t feel comfortable saying in front of your spouse (or your Mom). That should keep you out of trouble.

Next week – we’ll explore those “thin-skinned” folks.