Harassment Myth II: They Just Can’t Take a Joke

Last week, we debunked a common myth about sexual harassment. We discussed the claim that simply giving someone at work a compliment on their appearance could be easily construed as harassment. We concluded that unless that compliment is both unwelcomed and repeated, there’s little reason to worry. This week, let’s tackle another myth. “Sexual harassment is no big deal—and people who complain have no sense of humor or can’t take a joke.”

Those who’ve never witnessed or experienced sexual harassment sometimes believe that the problem is exaggerated; that most “harassment” isn’t serious, but instead involves either harmless flirtation, or clumsy attempts at humor.

This assumption stems from the fact that most of us have, at some point in our work lives, experienced unwelcomed flirtation and humor –and simply handled it.

Whether we like it or not, dealing with co-workers who joke and flirt is often a normal component of every workplace. We negotiate and manage these social interactions by setting boundaries and limits with each other. So when we hear someone complain about sexual harassment, we may incorrectly assume they just didn’t know how to handle their particular situation.

But true sexual harassment goes far beyond humor and awkwardness. It’s downright intimidating, and very similar to bullying.

Think about it. When someone at work does something unwelcomed (sexual or not) and you ask them to stop, the normal response is that they stop. Some even apologize. That’s what we do in civil society.

In contrast, a harasser (or bully) will ignore your wishes and often continue their behavior. This disregard of social and professional norms can be threatening, humiliating —even frightening. You realize this person is willing to cross the line.

Depending on how much power they have over your situation and your job, and how far they wish to push the harassment, they can make your life hell. See the difference?

It’s not fair to trivialize harassment because we confuse it with the myriad of other sexual situations we hear about in the media. True workplace sexual harassment usually has nothing to do with genuine sexual or social interest. Now you know the difference.

As published November 20, 2011 in The Gainesville Sun